Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
