I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
