never play flip cup with pint glasses
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
