I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
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