Are we in a gay sports bar?
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
