At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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