Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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