The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
