We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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