I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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