I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
