On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
