i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
