It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
