dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
