She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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