you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Randomize