we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
