So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Randomize
