You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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