these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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