lets start a swedish sibling band together
stop calling my apartment porn island.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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