Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
