I faked an abortion last night.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Randomize
