he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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