if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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