He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
