I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
