The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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