Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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