I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
