sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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