I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
