I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
my phone needs a breathalizer
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Randomize