ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
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