i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
