Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
