so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
