I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
We just shotgunned beers for America
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
