speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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