im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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