dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
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