Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
