i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
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