He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Randomize
