I have demons in me.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Randomize
