Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Then you guys just all showered together...?
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
