The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Randomize