I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
