you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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