Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
it's like heaven, but drunker
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
