literally had 100 drinks last night.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
