I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
