i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
