i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
i would punch a child for taco bell
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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