I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
