I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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