You're so nebulous sometimes
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I have post one night stand depression
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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