I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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