FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
