I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
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