God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
