Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
