what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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