before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Randomize
