I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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