just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
