he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
