He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize