I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Randomize
