This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
