This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
the day after is always just damage control
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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