i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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