Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
a search helicopter?!
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Boobs are out for the taking
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
