We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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