Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
you would pick up someone in the library
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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