I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
