2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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