so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
