i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I wish you could order shots online.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
