Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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