I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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