I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize