is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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