my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
