This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
